


Waterfalls

by Omoni



Series: Abovetale [22]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphyne, Alphys/Unydne-centric, Depression, Established Alphys/Undyne, F/F, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Omoni/pseuds/Omoni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late into the night, Alphys once again faces the abyss and stands at that precipice. </p><p>Part of Abovetale, so read back if you haven't, yet. </p><p>Trigger warnings for:<br/>Suicide attempt<br/>Candid discussion of suicide and depression</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waterfalls

It was deep into the night, and Alphys was walking through Waterfall alone. She'd left her phone behind, and only wore her spare glasses and her most casual clothes. With her hands in her worn pockets, she walked slowly but with purpose. Her eyes were dry and her entire being was calm, her goal clear.

She was on the precipice again and knew it, but in this state couldn't care. She just observed it with that calm detachment.

When she reached the entrance to the dump, she trudged through the water without pause, barely feeling the cold and wet of it. She didn't stop to look, didn't even look, at the piles of garbage around her, like floating sentries. She knew they wouldn't stop her.

No one would this time.

She knew why she was here. It had been a month since Basket had left for Australia, and Alphys had tried to adjust, tried to be fine about it, but it was nothing like when Basket had gone to school. Her job began to be dull, barely keeping her focus, and even her relationship with her coworkers suffered. She was withdrawn and refused to come back, so they left her alone, hoping that was all she needed.

Undyne also, she knew, was strained from her behaviour. They were still together, still as close as ever, but whenever Alphys would find herself missing Basket, Undyne's comfort only went so far.

Undyne wanted another baby, but Alphys was afraid. Basket had suffered so much, and she knew it was her corrupt blood that had ruined her. She may not be contaminated literally, but perhaps, in a way that, just by existing, Alphys brought misery to others.

Basket was one.

So was Undyne.

Alphys wanted another baby, too. But she didn't want them to suffer. She didn't want to hurt _anyone_ , but even being a child's dam was enough to make that child suffer like Alphys did. It felt like she broke whoever she loved just by loving them.

Alphys couldn't stop loving.

But she could make herself stop.

She had made a promise to Undyne to never run away, to always stay with her even if every instinct told her to run away. And every time, ever since they were married, she'd done exactly that.

But now...

Now she knew her usefulness was over. Basket was away in the world and flourishing, and Undyne was... Undyne. She would probably miss Alphys, but only for a while. Once the dust - hers - settled, Undyne would perhaps be grateful that she was free of Alphys, and finally able to live the life that she'd always wanted to.

These thoughts were all only half-truths if they were truths at all, but that calm place she was in took them as pure truths instead, and practically shoved her to her destination.

She'd always known her fate would be there, so why fight it?

Alphys remembered, once, chastising Asriel for simply being here, gazing down and thinking, but now, here she was, a hypocrite, crossing over to stand on the tiles that were right in front of the abyss. She'd told him to think of Frisk, and yet when she thought of Undyne, all she saw was how much better she would be alone with Basket.

Now, Basket could be proud to have just Undyne as her mother, and not Alphys, who was nothing but a shameful parody of a mother.

Alphys tried, so hard, to remember that she was loved, because deep down she knew she was - and dearly, too. But the thought that destroyed that connection to that love was that those same people who loved her would benefit from her death and perhaps could love a memory better.

Memories, after all, could be perfected.

She stepped off the tiles and moved to the edge of the abyss, her hands clenched in front of her.

As soon as she did, however, two strong arms grabbed her from behind and yanked her back. She was shocked into immobility and let whoever held her keep her - for a moment.

Then, without looking back, she jerked herself free with a shout and screamed, _"Let me die!"_ before rushing back to the edge.

"Alphy, _no! Alphy!"_

She jumped.

There was a dismayed scream, but she barely heard it. All she knew now was water.

She fell into it, closing her eyes and breathing it in, letting the cold water fill her lungs and take her.

* * *

But she woke up.

That alone was confusing. Alphys felt pain in her chest, so painful she wished she could grab at it, but her body felt so heavy and useless. Her mouth tasted strange, as if she'd just thrown up, but she had no memory of doing so.

Was this death? It was oddly underwhelming.

Alphys concentrated, and her senses started to slowly come back. She heard rushing water, so much of it, followed the plashing of it hitting surface. Her claws flexed, and she felt hard concrete beneath them.

Then, she heard a voice.

"You _promised_ me, you _lied_ to me! _Alphy_...!"

Suddenly, Alphys was physically conscious of the fact that she was being held in strong arms - the same arms that had grabbed her before she jumped.

Before she drowned.

She _did_ drown.

Didn't she?

A hand was stroking her cheek gently, an arm around her shoulders, another hand holding up her head from the back. The voice went on, and with sick dread, she realised who it was.

Undyne.

"You _lied_ to me!" She was sobbing. "You _promised,_ Alphy! I could _kill you!"_ She felt a kiss on her brow, then another to her cheek.

"Alphy..." Undyne sobbed her name so brokenly that Alphys felt her eyes fill with tears.

Slowly, she opened them, trying to get them to focus.

Undyne was soaked; that was the first thing she saw.

Where were they?

Her eyes moved to the sides, but her vision was too blurry to focus on anything save Undyne. It all looked alien to her, anyway.

_"Why did you do it?!"_

Alphys looked back at Undyne with full eyes, seeing that she was crying so hard she shook.

"B-because," she whispered, her throat sore. "You'll... you'll be... fine."

 _"No!"_ Undyne snarled, her eye flashing, her face twisted with grief. "No, you're wrong! You're so stupid! Why are you so willingly _stupid,_ Alphy?!"

"I-I... I j-just..." She was at a loss for words. Undyne's obvious grief was painful, not at all something she was prepared to face.

The whole _point_ of jumping was to avoid not only causing more pain to others, but to assuage their grief by dying, the grief she'd brought by living. She'd lived instead, and now faced Undyne's sorrow - the last thing she'd ever wanted.

"Don't you _ever_ think about us?!" Undyne cried. "About me, about Basket? About Papyrus and Asgore and Mettaton?! _What were you thinking?!"_

"I w-wanted to..."

_"What?!"_

Alphys shut her eyes. "I was thinking that you-you'd all be okay. I'm just a b-burden. I-I _am_ a burden, Undyne... you'd be _fine_..." She was insistent, now, because for her, it was the absolute truth. She truly - sadly - believed it to be so.

"Alphy... sweetie..." Undyne's voice broke again, and Alphys was pulled closer, clung onto by Undyne, who sobbed now, her voice stolen by those tears. Alphys shut her eyes tighter and buried her face into Undyne's trembling shoulder, unable to keep back a sob of her own.

She'd jumped. She'd actually jumped.

_What was I thinking?!_

Because it was clear that thought had been key in this. Her thoughts had driven her from her bed and to the Underground, and had led her to the abyss. If she couldn't stop her thoughts from controlling her this way, what possibly could?

Alphys was a doctor. She knew she was depressed. But she'd always thought she was smart enough to recognise it for what it was - and did - and still master it.

Clearly, no matter how old she got, this was not the case. She hadn't even known why she'd come here for certain until her feet hit the water.

 _Wait_.

If _she_ didn't, how did _Undyne?_

"H-how did you f-find me?" she asked, her voice small.

"I followed you, you idiot," Undyne answered sharply. "I always wake up if, in the middle of the night, you leave the bed, Alphy. Always."

In her haste, Alphys had forgotten that. Undyne usually seemed to sleep through her movements to and from bed, but apparently not. Clearly, her wife was still a warrior, deep down, and had retained those instincts.

"I-I..." She buried her face back into Undyne's shoulder. "I didn't m-mean to l-lie."

Undyne was silent, holding Alphys to her tighter, her cheek on Alphys's forehead, her eye kept shut. Her hand on Alphys's face tightened a bit, but still she said nothing.

"I didn't, Undyne," Alphys repeated, finally able to reach up and grab hold of her tight. "I d-didn't. M-my m-mind. It... I just..."

"Is it me?" Undyne asked her, her voice almost tiny. "Did I drive you to this? Is it... is it because I want another baby?"

"N-no!" Alphys shook her head. "It's not you! It never is, Undyne, _never!"_

And to her horror, Alphys began to sob, hard, breath-gulping sobs that she couldn't control. In a voice high with those sobs, she choked out, "I'm _broken_. I-I didn't want to break you, too, or anyone else. I b-broke _Basket_..."

The sobs took over, now, and she felt Undyne hold her tight.

When she could, Undyne said, "My love, Bass is _not_ broken. She's so happy, now. She may have had it hard in school, but it didn't _break_ her, and neither did you. Any baby we have should be proud that you're their mummy, Alphy."

Alphys clung closer to her, sobbing harder. Deep down, she knew Undyne was being honest, but it still hurt deeply. She was still so scared, so upset, that all she could do was sob out incoherent regrets - all of which Undyne listened to and comforted her from, regardless of not understanding.

This went on for some time, until Alphys eventually calmed, the only sounds her tears and the rush of water. When she focused on the water, she found herself calming down easier, and soon, those violent sobs became sniffles.

She pulled her face away to look up at Undyne, a sudden thought coming to her and chilling her blood, it scared her so much.

"Y-you jumped," Alphys said softly. "You jumped after m-me."

Undyne's face fell, and she bit her lip, hard, before nodding.

"You knew you could save me?"

Undyne looked away, still biting her lip.

Alphys stared at her, and finally, Undyne whispered, her face averted. "No. I wanted to die with you, Alphy."

 _"No!"_ Alphys shouted, sitting up and trying to pull away, only to find herself too weak to do so. "No! Why?!" She shook her head, bewildered. "No, Undyne! Why?! _Why?!"_

"Alphy." Undyne turned back, her eye wide. "I can't live without you. Why can't you understand that?"

 _"No!"_ Alphys shouted again. "You can! I _can't_ understand it, because you _can!"_

"Then _start!"_ Undyne suddenly snapped. "It's been decades, and I'm still here! If you're here, I'm here. If you're not, I don't want to be! A world without you is... it's just..." Her face fell. "It's a nightmare I _never_ want to have come true!"

"So how are we alive then?" Alphys wondered, still furious.

Undyne hesitated. "When I grabbed you in the water... When I was gonna... I realised I could still breathe, anyway." She smiled humourlessly. "Gills, duh. I can't drown. Not like that, anyway. So I held you and when we got here, I swam both of us here."

Her smile vanished. "You... you were..." She pressed her lips together, trying to smother the tears, but her eye filled, anyway. "I had to resuscitate you..."

Alphys closed her eyes, the idea of Undyne dying because of her - with her - a waking nightmare of her own.

Instead of saying so, however, she asked, "Where are we?"

Undyne shrugged, then pressed her face back onto the top of Alphys's head. "Dunno. End of the abyss. No one's been here before, but it looks like you were right: it does keep going."

Alphys, despite herself, smiled. "You remembered."

Undyne nodded. "I'll always remember that day. All of it."

Alphys held her closer, closing her eyes tighter and trying not to cry again. "What do we do now?"

"Well," Undyne murmured. "We're _not_ gonna die, are we?"

"No," Alphys agreed, feeling shame, now. She opened her eyes and looked up at Undyne.

"Good. I don't think it's a smart idea," Undyne replied, looking down at Alphys with a small smile, one Alphys returned shakily. "Why don't we try to get out of here?"

Alphys clung onto her for a moment, something Undyne returned, unable to help it. "I-I'm sorry," Alphys admitted it, and Undyne nodded.

Undyne got up, first, shakily but otherwise fine. She helped Alphys to her feet, but Alphys's knees gave out and Undyne grabbed her again before she fell. Clearly, she was too weak to walk.

With a smile, Undyne pulled her onto her back, and Alphys attached herself onto her, resting her head on one of her shoulders and hooking her legs around her waist, her arms around her neck. Undyne hooked her arms under Alphys's knees and adjusted her comfortably, before taking a moment to finally take in their surroundings.

The waterfall they'd fallen down was immense at its base, pouring onto a square of water that waved violently from the force. From that pool sprouted channels of deep to shallow trenches, ferrying the water around where they stood and in many different directions.

The platform they stood on was wet but only a little, and seemed to follow several of the trenches as they snaked past. The area was lit by small, square industrial lights, dull yellow in colour but enough to see by.

It was a strange place.

"Huh," Undyne said, and Alphys looked up, seeing only Undyne clearly; everything else was grey, yellow and blue blurs. "Well, we have more than one option."

"Pick left," Alphys said immediately.

"Why?"

She shrugged. "I always pick left at a crossroads in games."

"Sorta different, Alphy," Undyne sighed, but she smiled. Alphys was starting to sound like herself again. "Well, whatever." Shrugging Alphys closer, Undyne chose left and began to walk, the sound of her steps making squishing noises as she did.

Because she'd lost her glasses (again. Maybe Frisk was right about laser-eye surgery...), Alphys could see very little of their surroundings, and had to trust Undyne - not an issue, really - with decision-making.

It was frustrating, though: she'd always wanted to know what was at the bottom of the abyss, and now she that she was here, she couldn't even see it.

_Oh, well. Perhaps that's karma - or the monster equivalent to it._

They walked in silence for a moment, before Undyne said, quite abruptly, "If you try that again, Alphy, you might as well just bring me along. Got it?"

The very idea was horrifying to Alphys, and she clung to Undyne tighter.

"No," she said softly. "Please don't."

"You, first," Undyne answered shortly. "I..." Her voice broke, and she cleared her throat. "If I ever find you... if I found you... g-gone..." Her voice went small again. "If you were gone... I'd just flat-out _die_ , Alphy."

"No!" Alphys pleaded, but Undyne gritted her teeth.

"Yes," she snarled through them. "You don't get it. When you pulled away from me, when you..." She swallowed. "When you... jumped... I could only see you. I _had_ to follow you, Alphy. Even if it means dying, too. I'll _always_ follow you, Alphy."

"Don't," Alphys said weakly, Undyne's words scaring her.

_Is this how Undyne feels, this helpless, confused terror?_

"Undyne, you're so strong. You'd make it. You'd survive without--,"

 _"Shut up!"_ Undyne snapped, stopping in her tracks.

Abruptly, her arms dropped, and Alphys landed on her feet, shaking, her hands slipping to Undyne's shoulders. Undyne lowered her head, then turned around and grabbed Alphys's now-free hands tightly, both to keep her on her feet as well as get her attention.

"Shut up, Alphy," she said again, her expression furious.

Alphys bit her lip, then said, "No. It has to be said, Undyne. You _would_ be--,"

 _"Shut the hell up!"_ Undyne answered, squeezing her hands. They shook. "Just shut up about that, Alphy! Don't you get it, yet?!"

Suddenly, she dropped to her knees, slid her arms around Alphys's waist, and buried her face into Alphys's stomach, her fingers digging in hard.

She was crying again, but still she spoke. "You're _so stupid_ about this, Alphy! About you, about _us!_ Why can't you be smart about _you?!"_

Alphys embraced her in return, resting her cheek against Undyne's wet head. She said nothing, however. She _wanted_ to understand, to listen, to be that kind of smart.

For her whole life, she'd never been able to.

Maybe now, with her body still soaked in the waters of the abyss, she could finally learn.

Undyne's voice was choked and muffled, now. "You really don't get how much I love you, how much Basket loves you?" she said. "You don't get that, without you, both of us either would not be who we are not or not even exist?!"

She inhaled shakily, gasping out a sob before going on, clutching onto Alphys tight, as if afraid she'd vanish. "Alphy, god, I just... Without you, I can barely _function_. I feel like it, anyway. But with you... _with_ you, I feel like I could be and do _so much,_ and with you, I _do_. I'm so much stronger."

She was trembling, and Alphys was crying again, quietly.

The words were sinking in, and they hurt a great deal.

"Without you, I don't even wanna  _think_ about it, Alphy. Please... don't _ever_ do this again. We... I... love you _so much."_

"I... I love _you_ ," Alphys whispered. "I-I _do_. It's w-why I ran - and run - away. You and Basket are s-so s-special. I can't believe I'm allowed to b-be with either of y-you."

"Neither of us would be us without _you_ , Alphy," Undyne said again.

"B-but... but y-you..."

"I don't know where I'd be now without you. And I don't _want_ to," Undyne answered angrily, looking up. Her face was streaked with tears, but her eye blazed. "I don't care who I'd be without you because I wouldn't be _with you,_ and that looks like a shit life compared to the one I have _with_ you, no matter what."

"Even though you just fished me from the abyss?" Alphys blurted out.

Undyne heard the note of humour and smiled, finally. "Absolutely," she agreed.

Alphys leaned down and kissed her. Undyne clung to her and returned it with fervour, forcing Alphys to hold onto her for balance, shocked by it.

There was so much in that kiss, so much that could never be said with words, so much that could only be understood through that kind of action.

And Alphys understood, and returned it, making sure Undyne knew she did.

She then pulled back slowly, and Undyne opened her eye and glanced into her own eyes.

"Th-thank you," whispered Alphys.

"Promise me again, Alphy," Undyne demanded, reaching up to cup Alphys's face. "And I want you to _mean_ it this time."

"I meant it last time," Alphys said honestly. "But yes, Undyne. I promise."

"Say it again."

"I promise you, Undyne."

Undyne searched her face intently, then nodded. "Okay. I believe you. Thank you."

Alphys closed her eyes, nuzzling against one of her hands. "Thank _you,"_ she echoed, "for giving me another chance."

"You never lost the chance you had," Undyne said, smiling again, just a bit. "Just don't be dumb anymore, nerd. Got it?"

"Got it," Alphys smiled back a little, and Undyne's eye lit up. She got up, turned around, and Alphys hopped up onto her back again, Undyne grabbing onto her tight.

"Let's get outta here," Undyne concluded.

* * *

The left ended up being the right way to go, because at the end of it was a wall with a ladder attached to it, going up to a manhole cover.

Amazed, they both looked up at it.

"D-do you think...?" Alphys hesitated. "Do you think the surface is up there?"

"It's one hell of a ladder," Undyne replied carefully. "If it isn't it would surprise me."

"C-could we, could us monsters, have used this to escape the Underground?" Alphys wondered.

"You're the scientist; you tell me."

"I don't know," Alphys admitted. "It's likely the barrier would stretch this far, but also I wonder if this was build both inside and outside of the barrier." She looked up again. "Let's go up."

Undyne nodded.

Alphys started to slide down, but Undyne hoisted her back up.

"I can carry you," she said, and in those words, Alphys heard two meanings, so she nodded to both and clung tight.

Though fit and strong, Undyne still needed to take a few breaks, and when she did, Alphys tried to lessen the weight she carried by grabbing onto the rungs of the ladder and leaning her weight on them. It seemed to help, as each time Undyne continued, she went for longer.

They went up in silence; nothing more needed to be said, and both were also anticipating what they'd find.

Finally, they hit the cover, and Undyne listened. "No cars. Wanna try?"

Alphys nodded, so Undyne reached up and pushed on it, Alphys grabbing onto the rungs again to keep them both in place. The fresh scent of night air greeted them, and slowly, Undyne pulled them both up and back onto the surface.

They had emerged on a road, but since it was so late, no cars were to be seen. Alphys slid down from Undyne's back, relieved when Undyne didn't protest, as she felt better - enough to walk, at least.

Undyne pulled the cover back and stood up, stretching out her back and sighing. "It's the surface, alright."

"How interesting - and strange," Alphys said, looking around - and only seeing dark blurs. "Do you know where we are?"

"Yup." Undyne glanced at the street signs and knew exactly where they were. "Can you walk?"

When Alphys nodded, Undyne took her hand and pulled her to her side, hooking their arms together in order to support Alphys, just in case. Alphys clung on, nervous due to her lack of sight, and Undyne kept hold.

Together, they walked home.

* * *

Once there, Undyne immediately brought Alphys into their bedroom, undressed her, and threw a towel over her, before doing the same for herself.

Then, she collapsed onto the bed, and Alphys followed suit, going a step further and burying them both in blankets. Undyne scooted close and pulled Alphys into her arms, skin-to-skin, and Alphys closed her eyes and nestled into it, pulling Undyne just as close.

For a long, long time, they lay together, just listening to each other breathe, hugging onto each other tight.

Then Alphys said, "I promise you, Undyne."

Undyne smiled at her. "Thank you."

They kissed, and then their true healing could begin.

**The End**


End file.
